“Let’s get scuba certified!”
My husband and I were headed to an all-inclusive Caribbean resort, where the ads show happy couples frolicking on pristine beaches. In addition to relaxation (and unlimited cocktails), our Curaçao resort offered a range of water sports. We’ve enjoyed snorkeling for years; scuba seemed like the next step.
Meet my anxiety
My anxiety ranges from barely noticeable to running my life. I’m also an A-plus catastrophizer, which is super fun as an outdoorsy person. Hiking? Bear attacks. Swimming? Riptides. Sometimes I keep anxiety out of the driver’s seat but, spoiler alert, not this time.
Other than a few “What about sharks?” thoughts, I approached my lessons enthusiastically. But my anxiety peeked out during the written training, which focused on what could go wrong underwater. I became convinced my eardrums would explode and I’d be run over by a boat. I ignored the trepidation.
Day 1
We were paired with another couple to complete our PADI open water certification in three days. The wheels started falling off during equipment drills. I’m horrible at taking things apart and putting them back together. Being the slowest and clumsiest made me feel pressured and less-than. Although I liked our instructor, Corwin, we didn’t click with the other couple. I felt like I was slowing everyone down—probably true—and that my classmates were annoyed—maybe true.
In the water, I was afraid to breathe through the regulator. Physically, everything was working fine. I was getting air, but I couldn’t bring myself to trust the equipment enough to stay submerged for five minutes, our first milestone. I’ve never had trouble breathing through a snorkel mask and didn’t expect this part of diving to be a “gotcha.”
Then, everything clicked. My anxiety vanished. I had gills! We sailed through our drills and ended the day with a magical reef dive.
Jill: 1, Anxiety: 0.
Day 2
I gobbled down breakfast and bounced to the dive center. I bumbled through my equipment check, heavily relying on the buddy system (aka my mechanically gifted husband) to get my gear assembled. I pranced into the water—well, as close to prancing as one can get wearing a 38-pound oxygen tank.
I was a diver.
Corwin explained we had a battery of skills to master before our afternoon dive. I freaked out during an exercise where I had to disconnect my air hose underwater, connect to my buddy’s air and adjust my buoyancy to ascend. I couldn’t remember the steps and panicked, fighting my husband as he tried to help me. My brain knew I was near the surface, seconds from air, but my body shifted to fight mode.
Corwin decided to move forward with the other couple’s certification and stop us where we were. Although he was kind, it tasted like failure.
How it ended
I received a scuba diving certification versus an open water certification, and, yes, I have a card in my wallet to prove it. The main differences are that I must dive with a PADI-certified instructor and I’m limited to 40 feet, compared to 60 feet for open water. Honestly, I envision my future dives as resort or cruise ship excursions, where a certified instructor is already present.
After a break to regroup, it was time to board the dive boat. I stepped off the boat into the deep water, just like in the movies.
I am a diver.
I saw all kinds of marine life, including a moray eel, which was surprisingly unscary considering how much the one in the Chicago aquarium terrified me. I apologized to my husband for “ruining our vacation.” In addition to being a catastrophizer, I’m partial to drama, and he assured me he was A-OK with where we landed.
The underwater stillness is the opposite of anxiety-inducing. I was comfortable with my breathing and leaned into being a spectator in this submerged world.
What experts say
If you’re thinking about spending part of your vacation taking diving lessons at a Sandals and worry about anxiety hindering you, the franchise is familiar with handling divers with anxiety, provided they disclose it. Ahem.
Sandals Director of Watersports and PADI-certified course director Michael Clarke recommends not being afraid to be transparent with your instructor. “That way, we can give you the extra attention you might need and go at a pace that feels comfortable,” he explains. He also recommends pre-dive meditation or breathing exercises to quiet the nerves.
Licensed psychologist and author Ashley Smith explains anxiety as our built-in threat detection system that looks for anything that could harm us. “Whenever we’re inside our comfort zone, doing the same things we’ve always done, anxiety gets to chill out. It knows what to expect and that we’re safe.”
She suggests helpful strategies for catastrophizers like me, such as treating anxiety like a spam call you don’t answer. Another is countering anxiety with logic. When asking “What if?”, try responding with “Am I mixing up possible with probable?” or consider what advice you’d give a friend in your shoes.
Zero regrets
I often dream of being happy underwater, which I believe is a sign that diving will bring me future joy.
As Smith says, “The goal isn’t to control or get rid of anxiety,” However, “if you refuse to be uncomfortable or let anxiety call the shots or make your decisions, your world is going to be very small.”
I’ll strive to use that mindset next time. There will be a next time.
Because I am a diver.
† PADI: Professional Association of Diving Instructors.
† SCUBA: Self-contained underwater breathing apparatus.
Photo by Jag_cz/Shutterstock
