Think you don’t have workplace conflict? Think again.
While you might not be having heated arguments at the office, those minor daily annoyances—like a colleague who checks their phone during meetings or a team member who never responds to emails—are low-level conflicts that can quietly sabotage your productivity and success.
These small friction points add up, draining our productivity. According to workplace conflict expert John Eliot, Ph.D., the average American worker spends 156 hours per year dealing with workplace conflict. “A little distraction here, little distraction there—and next thing you know, you’ve spent eight hours on something that really should have taken you four,” he says.
The five conflict personality types
When under pressure, we tend to default to our conflict-handling styles. In his new book, How to Get Along With Anyone, Eliot and coauthor Jim Guinn, Ed.D., categorized these responses into five distinct styles, each with their own strengths and weaknesses:
- The Avoider
Avoiders work solo and focus on big-picture priorities. Their strength is dismissing distractions and staying efficient, but they often delay addressing issues until they spiral into bigger problems. According to Eliot, “they don’t avoid conflict because they’re afraid of it or dislike it or [are] no good at it. They avoid it because they think it takes away from their productivity.”
Best teammate: The Accommodator
Worst teammate: The Analyzer
- The Competitor
Competitors thrive on urgency and results. They make fast, decisive calls but often jump to conclusions before fully understanding situations. “Any time any hint of their disagreement or difference of opinion comes up, the Competitor wants to tackle it head on right away, aggressively, and squash it,” Eliot says.
Best teammate: The Avoider
Worst teammates: The Analyzer (short-term) and Accommodator (long-term)
- The Analyzer
Analyzers rely on logic and gather all available information before making decisions. This helps them avoid mistakes but can lead to decision paralysis when deadlines loom. “Their weakness is that they’re not good with deadlines,” Eliot explains. “And once they have all the data, they can become stubborn because they say, ‘Look, the facts bear out the truth.’”
Best teammate: The Collaborator
Worst teammate: The Accommodator
- The Collaborator
Collaborators prioritize teamwork and relationships and are great at fostering open communication. However, they may sacrifice efficiency for harmony and blur professional boundaries. “The Collaborator cares more about relationships than they do work accomplishments,” Eliot says. “They want to know how everybody feels, and they want to make sure everybody’s happy.”
Best teammate: The Analyzer
Worst teammate: The Avoider
- The Accommodator
Accommodators put others first and are selfless and dedicated to workplace harmony. The downside? They often sacrifice too much, which may lead to burnout and resentment when they’re unappreciated. “They will carry the pack to the top of the mountain so that their teammate can get credit,” Eliot says. “[But] if they’re not appreciated, eventually that… builds up to the point that they explode.”
Best teammate: The Avoider
Worst teammate: The Competitor
How to use your conflict personality well
While these styles are deeply ingrained habits, they’re not fixed, Eliot says. Understanding your default response is only step one. “Half the battle is knowing what your style is,” he explains, “[and] knowing what you’re apt to do in a particular situation.”
He adds that what’s even more important is understanding the styles of those you interact with. You can do so using these four components of communication:
- Mode: How do they prefer to communicate?
- Timing: When do they address issues?
- Tone: How do they express themselves?
- Route: What channels do they use to resolve conflict?
When you understand others’ conflict personalities, you can use them to adjust your approach. For example, if you’re a Collaborator who’s working with an Avoider, temper your desire for group discussion. But if you’re a Competitor who’s working with an Accommodator, avoid bulldozing their perspectives.
Additionally, Eliot recommends getting to the underlying interest by asking the other person, “‘What’s really important?‘” or “‘Why are we talking about [this]?’”
The remote work challenge
Remote work has made managing conflict styles more challenging than ever. If you’ve ever misinterpreted a delayed email response as passive-aggressiveness or assumed that a colleague’s brief message was dismissive, you’ve experienced how virtual communication can distort intent and amplify workplace tension. Without face-to-face interaction, subtle cues like body language, tone or facial expressions are lost, making it easier for misunderstandings to escalate.
“There’s so much less personal interaction as a result of the way the workplace has shifted,” Eliot says. “It opens the door for a lot more misunderstandings.” He adds that determining someone’s conflict style can be more difficult when you aren’t face-to-face.
Still, doing so is highly important for effectively communicating with your remote colleagues. For example, when working with Avoiders in a remote environment, it can be helpful to schedule structured check-ins to keep discussions on track without overwhelming them. Accommodators working remotely may be particularly susceptible to burnout, so you can encourage them to set clear boundaries and balance work with their personal lives.
The positive side of conflict
No one conflict style correlates with better leadership. According to Eliot, what makes a leader good isn’t having a specific conflict style. Instead, it’s knowing your own habits and being able to adapt to others’.
Perhaps most importantly, conflict isn’t inherently negative. In fact, a complete absence of conflict often signals a stagnant environment that lacks diverse perspectives and ideas. The key isn’t eliminating conflict—it’s handling it productively.
“If you truly have no conflict in your life, you probably have a pretty boring existence,” Eliot says. “You’re not exposed to new ideas, and you’re robbing yourself of all kinds of great opportunities…. Conflict is part of having vibrant relationships, and conflict is an opportunity to continue to build and strengthen those relationships.”
Photo courtesy of fizkes/Shutterstock.com
