When volatile egos are triggered, unhealthy power dynamics can throw work-life balance out the window.
Bullying in the workplace affects 35% of employees. The psychological ramifications are so intense that the effects can even spread to romantic partners and disturb their sleep. According to Marcene Marcus, licensed clinical social worker and clinical director of outpatient services at Ocean Psychiatry, being bullied triggers your stress response, making you unable to think clearly or create because you’re preoccupied trying to survive a threat. This is because “the fear center of the brain is activated when you feel threatened.”
Considering how widespread and varied bullying can be, maintaining a peaceful environment isn’t necessarily a simple fix. Instead, putting an end to cruel behavior in the workplace requires intentional steps in the right direction.
Signs of bullying and toxic work culture red flags
Displays of bullying run the gamut from subtle behaviors like the silent treatment to hostile language, gestures and inappropriate remarks, according to workplace culture expert Gayle Feinstein, founder of Affinity HR Advisory Group. Other situations might include “taking credit for your ideas or setting you up for failure ([like with] unrealistic deadlines),” she adds.
Certain actions won’t leave a paper trail and might be viewed as misunderstandings, so Feinstein advises documenting patterns of behavior, not just specific incidents.
“Places that promote toughness or say things like, ‘That’s just how we do things here,’” are red flags for a toxic work setting, according to Feinstein. She also warns of companies with high turnover rates and ultra-competitive environments. “If mistakes are seen as character flaws as opposed to learning opportunities, that’s an environment ripe for bullying,” she says.
What to do when you witness workplace bullying
For victims, there’s no easy answer for how to respond to abuse. However, if you notice a bully in action, “the old saying, ‘If you see something, say something,’ stands true,” Feinstein says. But you should do this only if you feel safe. Options include saying, “‘That seems harsh‘” or “‘Can we hear what Joe has to say?‘” she adds.
Afterward, Feinstein advises checking in with the victim, asking if they’re okay and documenting what you observed—the more specific, the better. “Ask them if they want you to come with them to report the incident. Having a witness is helpful,” Feinstein adds.
What normal workplace conflicts look like
It’s not unusual for victims to be told they’re overreacting to a disagreement. Because of this, it’s important to know the difference between overreacting and bullying.
“Healthy workplace conflicts involve disagreeing over ideas, approaches or goals,” Feinstein says. Usually, you’re on equal footing—but “with bullying, it tends to be personal [and] targeted and diminishes your confidence,” she adds.
These situations primarily involve a power imbalance and control issues, in Feinstein’s view. “Conflict aims to resolve the matter, while bullying aims to dominate,” she says.
Marcus adds that “sometimes, a coworker isn’t aware of how they are coming off. They might think something is a funny joke between you when it is not.” As a result, “it’s helpful to own your feelings and identify exactly the behavior that is upsetting,” she continues. For example, you can say “I feel uncomfortable when you call me ‘short stuff’ instead of using my name.”
The trauma of mistreatment
A victim named Nancy (name changed for anonymity) experienced workplace bullying 15 years ago. While working as a graphic designer for a small nonprofit, Nancy wanted to start independent training—but when she asked her supervisor to sign off on the training, he said, “No, I won’t let you appear for that exam.” Her supervisor’s domineering treatment over the years also included refusing to call her by her correct name and undervaluing her performance.
Nancy was proactive—she repeatedly reported this behavior to the executive director, who did value her work. Each time, he assured her that he would help, and for a while, things would improve. But in the long run, they always returned to more of the same.
The situation finally came to a head when, after taking time off that she’d pre-arranged with the executive director, Nancy returned to find that her only advocate had left the company. She was then immediately fired by her tormentor, who told her to “go be a better wife. Leave your computer and keys behind.”
The experience was so gut-wrenching that Nancy saved a sketch that her 7-year-old drew after witnessing the cruel dismissal from a waiting room. Nancy recounts that it illustrated “a little round bubble with my supervisor’s name with flames coming out of his head and another face on the other side with a woman’s face crying…. I cried when I saw that because I didn’t realize how much hurt and trauma I was holding onto.”
Prevent bullying and protect employees
Currently, Nancy finds herself in another hostile workplace. This time, she’s volunteering as a writer for a large organization. The aggressor is a peer who has taken it upon themselves to boss others around and assign Nancy menial duties. With no chain of command or policy to protect workers, the bullying has continued for five years. Nancy is finally planning to meet with a mentor for advice on how to proceed—but in an organization of hundreds, it shouldn’t be so hard to find help.
Without support systems to protect victims, talented and hardworking employees like Nancy find themselves powerless in an emotionally draining atmosphere. After being beaten down and intimidated, it’s not surprising that so many people never report suffering abuse.
To combat this, having an anti-bullying policy in place is crucial, Feinstein advises, and it ought to define unacceptable behaviors and their consequences. “Train your employees to recognize what bullying looks like and make sure you have the appropriate, confidential reporting channels in place (HR, third-party hotline, anonymous email [and] locked drop boxes),” she says. “People need to feel safe reporting these types of incidents, and it’s incredibly important for you to reassure your employees that, as a firm, you have a zero-tolerance policy for retaliation.
“If and when an incident occurs,“ she adds, “make sure you investigate the matter as quickly and thoroughly as possible.”
Create a safe space to speak up and process anger
Part of why victims suffer in silence is because they fear being targeted for speaking up. Victims may also have been gaslit into doubting themselves and need to talk things through before filing a report. As a result, having a compassionate advocate available to address their concerns is imperative.
Marcus suggests asking the victim privately if they’re open to processing the situation with the bully. “If they say yes, either involve HR to mediate or ask each employee to share what their experience of the situation was and to paraphrase their understanding of the other’s experience,” she adds.
Ideally, companies ought to have anger management protocols in place to address the root causes of aggression. Even if that isn’t the case, Marcus says that it can be helpful to “ask your employees to privately consider if anything was making them uncomfortable, angry, frustrated, resentful, etc.”
She adds that “employees are allowed to be angry—they just need to be informed about the company’s expectations regarding anger. You can’t take it out on people or create a hostile workplace.” To encourage them to do this, she recommends advising employees to take a break when they experience angry feelings.
Protecting employees from bullying starts with intentionality
When companies have open dialogues about bullying and misplaced anger, it empowers victims to recognize signs of mistreatment and destigmatizes speaking up. At the same time, there need to be straightforward channels for reporting workplace bullying with tangible repercussions for the aggressor. Otherwise, even when distraught employees like Nancy finally muster up the courage to reach out, they’ll still struggle to get the help they need.
Ultimately, safety begins with an empathetic work culture where people feel heard, valued and—most importantly—protected.
Photo by AnVr/iStockphoto.com
