Are we even real? | Astrologers’ Community & Forum

I was always checking different relocation spots on the world but I wasn’t checking much about my own hometown. Now I just encountered this. As a person who wasn’t speaking to his father for 9 years, although we talked for some months, I again ended up blocking my father for I couldn’t get rid of the hatred for him within me. Kinda same for my mom, I was talking to her unwillingly and intermittently, and I also blocked her alongside my father and I went no contact with them and I’m not regretful with my decision. I always felt ambivalent towards them. But the hatred is too intense and so much that, even with the best intentions, I’m exploding at some point. And it’s all deriving their being emotionally abusive parents. That’s also checking our with my Sun square Neptune which gives me inferiority complex, and Saturn square Pluto and Saturn square Ascendant which makes me feel unloved by them and makes me hard to relate to them. Today I saw this Saturn Rising/Chiron Descendant paran just passing through under my hometown and it says this: “You may experience painful limitation in your life under this influence. These may particularly involve a male parental figure, or someone who has authority over your life. Beware of feelings of hopelessness.”

I was always questioning myself for not forgiving them, because lately I had started to perceive my father as my early years’ Saturn but seeing this has emphasized those already stimulated thoughts for a long time. If it was already written that my father was going to be like this, and I was gonna be like this and if we’re just implementing our parts on this life, is he really guilty of his actions? Is anybody even guilty? So if anybody’s destiny is already has been decided by superior power, are we even real?

So this is like my mom and my dad, as yours, are just random creatures who do their things in this life with their already predestined tendencies, as us. So what is real? Who is real?

View attachment 116956

I Am Real. At least, I’m Incarnate.
I had abusive parents. My siblings, extended family, and community were also abusive. I am exactly what they all variously thought they hated, but None of them ever saw the real me.
Ie., for the first seven years of my life, my mother called me a retard and a cripple. I have never been either. She just couldn’t tell.
A huge part of their misperceptions is that they were projecting onto me; and they wanted someone to hate and hurt and punish, because they loathed themselves.
Now, I used to say, “I am my father’s daughter”, when I would do the kinds of rotten things he did. I saw that it was bad, and struggled to stop doing it. That’s the difference- Free Will.
If you look at my chart, I have Moon conjunct South Node conjunct Neptune; and I have Mars square the Moon; as well as Mars semi-square Mercury. Some poor fool would look at me, and think they detected prey- a cripple and a retard. They would assault or insult me, and I would beat them like a drum. I was vengeful. I was suspicious. I was Hateful. I can be subtly or openly menacing- think Samuel L. Jackson. That was my dad’s vibe- and I was my father’s daughter.
But I changed.
My chart says, if I am honest about it, that I should be a bitter, angry, violent, sarcastic person with a tongue like a whip. But I Chose To Try. I chose to be good, and do good.
Your Chart Dies Not Doom You. It didn’t force our parents to be who they were. They chose that for themselves.
It’s Simple, but it’s Not Easy: Every time I have a choice to make, I try to choose what would be best for all. When I see the Good, I turn towards it; when I see my Errors, I turn away from them.
It seems to be working. I’m healing, and I’m much happier.
I hope what I said makes sense, FVRKAN.