Who are Wanda and Zee? Are you discussing other threads that relate to this one?
Just to clarify the situation a little better, and give a sensible reply.
You write that J is a girl, but are you also a girl?
Regarding the synastry chart the key seems to be sitting at the very top of the chart.
Because you were both born rather close in time, the outer planets that move slowly are conjunct, and can be considered “generational”, that is, they are shared by all those born around the same time, so aren’t really personal planets.
Unless they aspect personal points in the chart.
Note the pluto/South Node contacts, and the saturn/North Node.
This is a very powerful and personal configuration, and you each have it in your own chart.
The Nodes have to do with Karma, and also relationships.
Pluto is power, it is change and transformation, it is obsession.
South Node has to do with our past, what we have experienced and know well. It is what we should leave behind us in this lifetime.
So we have a tendency to be obsessive, to use the force of pluto to dig down deep within ourselves and face the demons that are holding us back, and we rely on this as an emotional cushion.
As we do this, over our lifetime this energy force will gradually tend to weaken.
On the other pole, North Node is conjunct saturn, calling us to exercise more caution and restraint, to be more responsible, more serious, have a deeper psychological awareness.
So there is a dichotomy between transformation and tradition, control and subjection.
In this synastry, there is a mix up of these energies.
Instead of looking inward, each of you is diverting your own energy towards the other.
She uses her instinct of power and control towards you. She puts you, or did in the past, into difficult situations where she is the master and you the subjective victim. So rather than transform herself, she tries to control you. She is evading the purpose of this energy that she should be using for her own evolution.
You use this situation to yield, your energy is absorbed by her. So you too are not looking inward, but pointing outwards.
A similar situation seems to be working with the saturn/NN, where each of you is looking to restrain the other.
The trick for you to overcome this, is by exerting your own power, neutralising hers, and moving forward in your personal development.
You have to reclaim yourself.
The other key to what is taking place between you is the Lilith/sun contact, another very strong placement.
In effect she too surrenders her power, she can’t stop herself.
This links the two of you, and she as Lilith is obsessed by you. This is a very strong connection.
This also creates a physical attraction, and in fact there are other sexual aspects between the two of you. There is a possibility that these impulses remain subliminal and create an undertone of tension by not being recognised consciously.
You mentioned this all had its strongest expression several years ago, but this isn’t important, because these energies are innate and don’t go away with time. Pluto doesn’t let you turn your back on it.
With time however North Node should gradually take over, favouring the more “adult” behaviour that saturn creates.
There is a nice jupiter/mercury conjunction between you that can help you work it out.
Jupiter can be very forgiving and very generous.
Both moons are in exact sextile, so emotionally also you can relate to each other very easily.
In addition, your Mercurys are in exact trine, so you can communicate easily and understand each other. Strange as this may seem.
Keep in mind that your aries sun is much more up front than her cancer sun.
She will tend to hide behind self-defensive screens when she is hurt.
And she lets her Leo moon take over, becoming friendly, cheery, outgoing emotionally, as a cover up.
With both mars and jupiter on her sun she can be aggressive as well as fun, depending on her mood. Cancer is very moody.
You on the other hand will not tend to retreat, you march right on following your own path, while seeking harmony with the person you are with.
With the maturity adulthood brings, you two could actually be quite good friends, strange as that might seem now.
Your moon is inconjunct mars, so you will always have a tense relationship with your mother, but this is between you two, and not related to J.
Your mother probably means well and is trying to show you good examples to help you grow, and is just doing it awkwardly.
Finally, your pluto is exactly trine J’s moon, so you have the ability to help her emotional security by using tact and a gentle hand.
Sorry if this is long, I hope it can help you gain some of the insight you are looking for.
