We make three fundamental communication mistakes that can jeopardize an otherwise viable relationship. Three important good communication skills can make the difference between an unhappy break-up and an ongoing, happy relationship.
Good Communication Is Essential in Relationships
Many relationships end when they can really continue. I think a major problem is the lack of communication.
We make three fundamental mistakes regarding communication that can really jeopardize an otherwise viable relationship. Three important communication skills can make the difference between an unhappy break-up and an ongoing, happy relationship.
Mistake #1: Making assumptions. When we make assumptions about what our partner is thinking, feeling, or intending, our reactions are based on inadequate, false, or distorted information. Instead of making assumptions, we need to clarify what’s really going on.
Mistake #2: Expecting mind-reading. When we’re tiny infants, it’s uncanny how our mother can almost read our minds. Without our having to say a word, our mom can tell what we need and give it to us. We should realize that it’s the only time in life that this can happen and that for the rest of our life, we must clearly communicate our needs if we want our needs met.
Mistake #3: Not saying what we mean. When emotions run high, as they often can in a relationship, we’re tempted to become petty, spiteful, or passive-aggressive. Instead of saying what we mean, we can be sarcastic; we can withhold information out of spite; we can even say the opposite of what we’re thinking. Human beings are complicated, and often, when clarity is what’s most needed, we can be frustratingly obscure. Still, if we want our relationship to last, we must resist the temptation to do any of these things.
Skill #1: Keep it clear. We don’t need to complicate things when we express our needs and feelings to our partners. The clearer we can be, the more likely we’ll be understood.
Skill #2: Be kind. When we’re trying to make a point, nasty, spiteful, or disrespectful words are not acceptable. If we want to be heard and receive a positive response, we need to express ourselves in a kind and respectful manner.
Skill #3: Keep it simple. Often, when we have a lot to say, we’re tempted to say too much at once. We need to remember that if we bring up too many points, our partner can miss the main point of what we’re saying. When we mention one point at a time, the other person will find it easier to respond to our needs.
If we avoid the three above mistakes and practice the three above skills, it’s likely that we’ll be able to prevent the break-ups that often come from problems with communication.
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About the Author
Marcia Sirota MD FRCP(C) is a board-certified psychiatrist who does not ascribe to any one theoretical school. Rather, she has integrated her education and life experiences into a unique approach to the practice of psychotherapy. She considers herself a realist with a healthy measure of optimism. Sign up here for her free monthly wellness newsletter. Listen here to her latest podcast. mariasirotamd.com
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