It’s normal to experience powerful emotions throughout your daily life. I’ll confess that I often feel annoyed when someone cuts me off in traffic or when my neighbor blasts bass-heavy music. And nothing makes me tear up like sad dog videos on TikTok. But if you’re struggling to respond to your feelings or they seem overly intense, you might need to work on your emotional regulation skills.
Emotional regulation focuses on managing your feelings to respond to situations appropriately. It’s critical for maintaining healthy relationships. After all, no one wants to interact with someone who has angry outbursts or breaks down crying at the tiniest inconveniences.
Regulating your emotions is good for your mental health, too. It reduces stress and even lessens anxiety and depression. This guide will help you learn how to control your emotions with practical techniques and tips.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation—a core component of emotional intelligence—is the ability to recognize, express and control your emotional responses. It helps you develop healthy relationships and positively influence others.
This skill focuses on managing—not suppressing—emotions. Everyone experiences strong feelings like anger and grief sometimes. Instead of stifling them, emotional regulation allows you to acknowledge and process them productively. This ability is especially critical during stressful situations. For example, if you want to be a role model at work, you could self-regulate your impatience and handle frustrating situations more calmly.
Why Are Emotional Regulation Skills Important?
While learning how to regulate emotions takes effort, it’s well worth it. Here are some benefits of effective emotional management:
Stronger Relationships
Most obviously, improving emotional regulation can help you build deeper connections. This skill allows you to understand and communicate your feelings clearly instead of letting them control your actions. A 2023 study found that couples who effectively regulate their emotions have higher relationship satisfaction and longevity.
Improved Mental Health
Understanding how to emotionally regulate can positively affect your mental health. By managing your feelings, you can avoid conflicts—such as road rage or arguments with your spouse—and reduce stress. Additionally, emotional regulation decreases the risk of developing certain psychiatric conditions. For example, researchers have linked maladaptive emotional regulation strategies to alcohol and substance use, anxiety and eating disorders.
Better Decision-Making
Emotion regulation strategies can also help you make better decisions. Instead of reacting impulsively, you’ll consider situations more objectively. That can make the difference between making a smart choice and regretting it later.
How to Regulate Emotions: 6 Techniques
Losing control of your feelings can feel disappointing or even scary. Luckily, anyone can learn how to manage and process emotions more effectively. Get started with these simple emotional regulation strategies:
1. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness focuses on observing and recognizing your emotions and thoughts. Once you understand why you feel a certain way, you’re better prepared to manage your response.
Set aside a few minutes a day to practice mindfulness exercises. For example, you might sit outside with a cup of coffee every morning and reflect on your feelings. Observing your emotions throughout the day is another way to get more in tune with your emotional state.
2. Try a Breathing Technique
Have you ever tensed up during an argument or felt sick to your stomach during a crisis? Our emotional and physical responses are intimately connected and often feed off of each other.
Relieve some of that tension with breathing techniques. Consider signing up for a meditation workshop to learn how to calm yourself with deep breathing. Or try an app like Calm or Breathwrk for easy at-home exercises.
3. Take Up Journaling
People often associate journaling with angsty teenage girls, but it can help everyone learn how to process emotions. Spend 10 to 20 minutes a day writing about your experiences and feelings. Over time, you’ll start to recognize patterns and triggers for your emotions. For example, you might realize that a friend’s reckless driving stresses you out and feel empowered to discuss it with them.
Not sure how to get started? Search online for journaling prompts for inspiration or keep a gratitude journal. You could even write a letter to your future self or to someone who hurt you to help express your emotions.
4. Try a Visualization Exercise
Visualization is one of the most powerful emotional regulation activities. It involves imagining positive or relaxing scenarios in as much detail as possible. While this technique might feel a bit silly at first, it can greatly impact your emotional state. For example, a 2023 study found that nursing students who practiced visualization felt more motivated and less anxious.
5. Redirect Your Thoughts
It’s easy to overthink stressful situations and enter a spiral of negativity. Take control by consciously shifting your thoughts in more productive directions.
6. Practice Grounding Techniques
When emotions run high, you don’t always have time to run to your journal or meditate. Grounding techniques can help you reset by calming your mind and nervous system simultaneously.
Mental games are popular grounding methods. Try sorting people or things into categories or reciting the alphabet backwards. These simple exercises shift your attention for a few moments, giving you time to calm down.
Physical grounding techniques can also make a big difference. Clench and unclench your fists or stretch your arms. These movements help you regain control and ease your body’s fight-or-flight response.
How to Improve Emotional Regulation Skills
In many ways, developing self-regulation skills is like learning to drive a car or play piano. You must actively work to improve over time.
These tips will help you gain healthy coping skills for better emotional regulation:
- Identify your emotional triggers
- Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more realistic ones
- Count to 10 before responding in stressful situations
- Hype yourself up with positive self-talk
- Get enough sleep
- Go for a walk or jog to reset your mind
- Distract yourself with your favorite book or movie
If you’re still struggling to manage your emotions, seek professional support. A therapist or psychiatrist can teach you practical emotional regulation activities and provide one-on-one guidance.
Take Control With Emotional Regulation Skills
Mastering emotional regulation isn’t just about staying cool under pressure. It’s also critical for mental and physical well-being. When you acknowledge and manage your emotions, you’ll feel less stressed and more capable of tackling challenges.
Of course, you probably won’t become a Zen master overnight, but don’t get discouraged. Start small with simple mindfulness and journaling exercises. With consistency, you can take your emotional regulation skills to the next level.
Photo courtesy of PeopleImages.com – Yuri A/Shutterstock
