Despair and depression from a dull boring job that is just not interesting even if it pays hugely, is overwhelming. Its not sustainable. I have been down that road except back then it was easy where I was to change and try different avenues. My environment was supportive.
Now with AI making inroads and blocking applications, its alarming and almost impossible.
To bypass AI blocks you must include all possible requirement words in your application. Some very enlightened people copy and paste into their application, the job post and then change the type to white making it invisible…but readable to AI…to get past its filter. Otherwise you just never hear because you get filtered out, so no human gets to see your application.
But besides jobs, try using your creative skills to make something creative and sell on etsy or vinted. Buy good quality used sweater…. something….upscale to distress…add ripped, embroider or add colour… there are many inspired examples to wet your creativity. Some people make amazing tiny crotched stuff…tiny… and sell those, for others to buy to incorporate into their creations.
The important thing is that activity any activity…one hour of good exercise but it must be 1 hour…gets rid of depression as endorphins kick in and you feel good. I use an hour’s walk myself but it can also be an hours swim….because I feel better, think better and come back smiling.
Its far better than anti depressants that kill any and all creativity.
ADD and autism is now still a valuable tradable commodity. So make sure you use that in your applications! Neuro diversity is actually very useful. It means your brain has ability to think in multi levels and can cope with divergent input. Do not kill it…foster it! Be proud of it! Use it! My son is one who uses it very successfully and has shot ahead in his demanding job because he can multi task and multi compose all divergent requirements keeping everyone included in a friendly, humorous way. All balls in the air!
His company has hired autistic people because they find their ability useful. They may have social inaptitude but are highly effective in many other ways. Just as an eagle doesnt see in colour but boy is grey vision effective in hunting!
Everything has its 50:50. With your positive attitude find the advantage to your skills and use it. Its very tradable skill in the market place.
You are now coming up to your saturn return. Its still a little way off which is why younare also depressed. Its the last phase towards preparing for it. You become super critical and judgemental. Everything becomes negative in your eyes because you judge yourself and your life. To be honest, the more you do this, the better will be the end result. It means you are being effective and adult in your life snd position review and summing up your shortfalls.
The problem is that its still a way out the negative phase. Roughly at least another year or do…depending on your internal review and final decision to move forward when you are done.
Some take a few years over this hesitating moving from child to adult and responsibility. Your saturn is well placed, well supported, so I think and expect that you are ahead of the curve because you are already looking for a way forward.
The way forward is to restart your life in a new footing and page. As an adult. Its time to stop undervaluing yourself and taking easy way out with dumb dead end jobs that have the same dumb dead ends.
Start making lists of possible options supported by your environment. Restart from bottom up.
The said son of mine restarted his career from bottom up…. went back to uni did a foundation course… he was one of those that hesitated a few more years than you into his saturn return. his only regret is that he took so long. No regret for the seriously fun 20s he had..just for the three years of hesitation to restart! But today he is super successful snd he has used up all skills he accumulated during his fun 20s which matured him!
So what I am saying is….its never too late! restart! but take yourself seriously snd stop what isnt working! Do some good walking free exercise to get endorphins working and get thinking.
Expect some delay for now and headway still, since you will be super depressing in thought. now might still be time to accumulate negative aspects of life failure….so accumulate. dont be afraid. its all part of the process. You are judge snd jury. Go do it fully! be hyper critical. Its what is now needed.
Next phase is… where to then, What is your heart looking for?
Looking at your chart…there is good support for income, good home base and good support for higher learning…. post graduate, research type.
Or …throw out the lot snd start travelling…its a solid and brimming successful 2nd, 4th 7th and 9th house that you have.
You will always limit social life. its a strangled tsquare with venus, saturn neptune. You will long for it but you will kill it. it is what it is. venus has no support. It might mean you will have close people to you, marriage even, endurance, support, but close romanticised love you want and dream of, hunger for, will elude.
sorry I cant be specific about what you will be successful in. but you will be…. its your life for the making.
if it means do more dumb dead jobs to finance a masters to get you back on the road you want…do it.
do what is needed…with a purpose to refloat yourself.
this is what you are in the process of revaluing yourself for…. its your life… what do you want to be doing?
