Imagine this: You wake up on a Saturday, still exhausted from overworking and sleeping late last night. You’d like to rest, but your friend called and you agreed to go shopping with them. As you brush your teeth, you wonder if your boss was happy with you yesterday, if he’ll like your Monday presentation and if it’s finally time to remind him of the raise he promised you months ago. But then, you realize you’ll likely mess the presentation up, so you don’t deserve a raise anyway.
For anyone who has been conditioned into low self-esteem, the above situation may be similar to their everyday reality. Self-esteem is the overall perception you have about yourself, and if it’s too low or negative, it can deeply affect many aspects of life, from your work to relationships to mental health—and not in a good way.
Despite such far-reaching effects, low self-esteem often goes unnoticed by people who live with it. This article is an attempt to change that. Read on to learn about the common signs of low self-esteem, along with its potential causes and steps to help improve it.
Common Signs of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is a deeply internal trait existing in the psyche, but the ways it manifests in a person are far from internal. Rather, signs of low self-esteem can often be so outwardly visible that others may detect them long before you even do.
Let’s explore some common emotional, behavioral and physical signs of low self-esteem:
Emotional and Behavioral Signs
Your emotions mirror your psychological state, and your behaviors mirror your emotions. This is why the most obvious signs of low self-esteem involve how you feel and behave with yourself and others.
1. Lack of Confidence
People with low self-esteem struggle with diminished confidence in their abilities. They may feel underprepared to take on certain endeavors, such as work meetings, competitions, a test at school or even navigating relationships, and in turn, may minimize or even overlook entirely, their own skills and experiences. They may believe they are not capable enough to achieve their goals.
2. Negative Self-Talk
Someone who doesn’t value you might make fun of you, belittle your feelings or criticize you continuously. If you have low self-esteem, that “someone” can often be you.
Self-deprecating thoughts or statements such as “I am not smart enough,” “No one will ever love me,” and “I don’t deserve happiness” are a signature sign of low self-esteem. These ideas are not only unhelpful; they can actually serve to degrade an individual’s self-esteem even further.
3. Lack of Self-Respect and Self-Love
Low self-esteem often makes people feel unworthy of love, respect and kindness. They often stay in unhealthy situations, such as toxic jobs, friendships or romantic relationships, because they believe they are not “deserving” of love, care and basic kindness.
4. Over-Dependence on External Validation
Because an internal source of validation is missing, someone with low self-esteem may constantly look for validation from others, such as teachers, friends, colleagues, managers, a partner or parents. They tend to be people-pleasers and may go out of their way to encourage others to like them, which, in turn, allows them to feel valued and happy.
However, this dependence on others also tends to make them especially sensitive to criticism and rejection. Any slight negative or harsh remark may crush their already-feeble confidence, leaving them ruminating for days.
5. Difficulty Setting Boundaries
When you don’t value yourself enough, you may overlook your own needs and, instead, prioritize helping others. For instance, you may join your friends at their favorite pub—even though you actually want to stay home. You may be quick to help out a colleague despite being tired. Or, you might continually adjust your plans and priorities for your partner, even when it feels inconvenient.
This can happen because saying “no” and establishing boundaries can make you feel like a terrible person. The result is that you keep putting others first—often at the cost of your needs.
6. Not Standing Up for Yourself
Because people with low self-esteem often lack confidence, they may not vocalize their feelings and opinions. Instead, they tend to bottle them up. An individual with lower self-esteem may hesitate to ask for a raise at work or express that they disagree with another’s opinion. Overall, they fear asking for the things they need.
7. Passive Attitude Towards Life
Low self-esteem can also make it difficult for people to set significant goals. They may avoid trying new things and, instead, sabotage their own progress. They tend to avoid taking risks because ultimately, they fear failure and do not want to let others down.
8. Self-Doubt and Imposter Syndrome
For someone lacking self-esteem, self-doubt is a common factor in decision-making. It’s not uncommon for people with a lower sense of self-worth to second-guess themselves, fearing their choices will fall flat. They typically don’t feel an inner sense of security, instead believing that others don’t actually like them, even when there’s evidence to the contrary.
Moreover, because they don’t value their abilities and feel undeserving of success, they often have a nagging fear of being “found out” or “exposed.” They feel like an impostor and believe they will ultimately disappoint those who trust and believe in them.
Physical Signs of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem not only affects our emotions and personal behaviors, but it can also impact our bodies as well. It crawls out to the surface and shapes our interpersonal experiences and physical traits, too. Here are some physical signs of low self-esteem:
1. Poor Body Posture
People with low self-esteem may exhibit some characteristic body language cues that reveal their inner beliefs. They may slouch while they walk, sit, or stand, tilting their heads forward, rarely keeping a straight spine. They may also try to shrink themselves when sitting with others, crossing their legs and arms and sitting in the same position for long periods, even when it feels inconvenient.
2. Avoiding Eye Contact
Not everyone who avoids eye contact lacks self-esteem. They simply might be shy or introverted. Or, they may need to take some extra time to feel comfortable with people. However, if someone consistently avoids eye contact during conversations and also shows other signs of low self-esteem, eye contact issues might be another clue.
3. Eating Disorders
According to a 2021 study, people with low self-esteem are at risk of developing different eating disorders. Although eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and others often occur for other reasons, low self-esteem can be a factor.
4. Substance Abuse
Self-esteem issues usually worsen with time if left unchecked. Studies have shown that healthy levels of self-esteem are negatively correlated with substance use and that low self-esteem can, in some individuals, contribute to an increased likelihood of substance abuse.
5. Anxiety and Depression
Chronic low self-esteem can sometimes be dangerously harmful. Some research suggests that self-esteem and depression are linked. In other words, lower self-esteem can correspond to a higher likelihood of depression.
Behaviors of People With High Self-Esteem
Now that we’ve discussed one end of self-esteem, let’s explore what the other end looks like. As it turns out, high self-esteem helps people fare better in life.
1. Confidence in Abilities
People with high self-esteem are naturally confident in the things they do. They trust themselves and their abilities and talents. Their confidence shows up in the way they behave around others, as well as the kind of self-talk they engage in.
2. Healthy Boundaries and Self-respect
Having high self-esteem doesn’t take away one’s ability to offer help or support. Because an individual with healthy levels of self-esteem values their own needs and wants, they are more comfortable setting boundaries, such as saying “no” when they are unable to help another out.
3. Taking Feedback Positively
For someone who is confident and trusts their skills and ability to improve, critical feedback is a stepping stone that helps them grow. While criticism may affect them, they are less likely to take feedback personally, which instead allows them to work on the issue being discussed and channel their efforts toward improving.
4. Poised Body Language
Contrary to people with low self-esteem, those with high self-esteem reflect their confidence and self-belief in their body posture. They often stand up straight and sit upright. Moreover, they are more likely to maintain eye contact and keep their chin up while talking.
What Causes Low Self-Esteem?
The causes of low self-esteem can be internal, external, or experiential—or a mix of these—and vary across people. Some common reasons include:
1. Negative Childhood Experiences
Many unpleasant childhood experiences leave lasting negative impacts that spread into adulthood. Receiving constant criticism or neglect from a parent, being repeatedly mocked and ridiculed by teachers or other adults, or not being loved, supported,or cared for by family members can significantly impact a child’s self-perception long-term.
2. Poor Academic or Professional Performance
Receiving poor grades in school, making mistakes and errors at work and missing deadlines can have a negative impact on an individual’s self-esteem. These experiences, especially when they happen repeatedly, can open the doors for self-doubt and negative self-talk.
3. Traumatic and Stressful Events
Negative life events, such as physical or emotional abuse, loss of a loved one, job loss or demotion, breakup or divorce, or a financial crisis, can induce trauma and stress. However, they can also adversely impact one’s self-esteem, too.
4. Unhealthy Relationships
The people you spend time with have the power to affect your self-perception. Unhealthy friendships and romantic relationships, such as those in which you are made fun of or ridiculed, can have lasting effects on your self-esteem.
5. Negative Social Comparison
Constantly comparing yourself with others is a surefire way of disturbing your peace and self-esteem. When you look at others’ seemingly “perfect” and “happy” lives and compare them with your own, it can be easy to feel less successful and, in turn, less self-confident.
6. Physical Health Issues
Chronic illnesses can leave people physically incapable of living their lives normally, which can, in some individuals, impact their sense of confidence.
7. Mental Health Issues
The relationship between low self-esteem and mental health issues runs both ways. Mental health disorders, such as depression and anxiety, can take away someone’s self-worth and trigger feelings of inadequacy, reducing their self-esteem.
How to Improve Self-Esteem
Improving your self-esteem takes work, but it is possible. Here are some practical steps to improve your self-esteem:
1. Recognize and Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Identifying and countering your self-critical and self-limiting thoughts is crucial. As soon as you realize you’re falling into the loop of automatic negative thoughts (ANTs), pause and ask yourself:
- Do I have a real and logical reason to think this way?
- Is this the only way to look at this situation?
- Will I talk like this to a friend or a loved one?
- Is this thought helping me grow in any way?
If your answer is “No” to any of these questions, it’s your cue to reframe the narrative and turn it into something positive or hopeful.
2. Set Achievable Goals
Don’t shy away from accepting your faults and shortcomings. But make sure to look at them for what they are, without exaggerating or catastrophizing them. Be kind to yourself and set little goals that push you out of your comfort zone a little. For example:
- Do one push-up every day to improve your health.
- Go on a walk every day.
- Reach out to people who support you.
Celebrate little wins when you reach a milestone, such as a ten-day streak of one push-up/day or five days of setting clear boundaries at work.
3. Practice Self-Care and Healthy Habits
The person who deserves your best version the most is you. So don’t forget to take care of yourself, physically and mentally. Start developing healthy habits such as:
- Eating more nutritious food and less junk or processed foods.
- Getting enough sleep at night.
- Recognizing the things you are good at.
- Saying “No” to unwanted things and situations more often.
- Noting down good things—however trivial—you did or experienced.
4. Seek Support When Needed
Don’t hesitate to seek external help when you feel low, unsure, or bad about yourself. It can be anyone from a supportive and thoughtful friend to your sibling.
If you know your low self-esteem is affecting your mental health, consider reaching out to a professional. Remember that while you may feel alone, mental health professionals can provide you with the helpful tools and resources you need to help improve your self-esteem in the long term.
Let Your Self-Improvement Journey Begin
Living life with low self-esteem isn’t easy. You can feel unworthy, undeserving, unloved, unimportant and more. These adjectives might seem fitting and appropriate, but they are only as real as you make them. It’s time to change the narrative and shift your mindset towards higher self-esteem.
Yes, it will take time, and you will face setbacks, too. You will likely fall into the same negative thought patterns in the beginning. But in these instances, it is especially important not to forget that by taking a number of small steps, it is possible to challenge your low self-esteem. Keep your chin up, keep working and be kind and compassionate to yourself in the process.
Photo from Krakenimages.com/Shutterstock.com
